Rounding the Turn

I must say, I feel a bit disappointed in myself for taking 3 weeks to contribute to this blog. However, it is consolation to know that I only write here when I feel strongly moved to do so. Tonight would be one of those times where my beliefs and events around me combined in such a way where I feel almost obliged to empty out my thoughts.

ABC just aired a 2-hour special on the Top 10 most probable ways in which most-if not all-life on Earth, including humans, would be wiped out. I didn't catch them all, but here a few examples: Cosmic /Gamma Rays, Solar Storms, Black Holes, Asteroids, Engineered Bioweaponry, Nuclear War, and of course everyone's favorite, Global Warming (aka GW. Weird, something else by those initials is causing destruction too...).

Turns out, we can measure with remarkable accuracy, that an asteroid in 2029 will pass close enough to us that it will be less distant from Earth than our communication satellites. Not only is the fact that we can predict such things astonishing (and true), but that 7 years later that same asteroid has a rather high probability of striking Earth! Not to fear too much though, it will not end all life on Earth, as it is too small. But the threat is very real. No one can doubt that. This is just one example of what can happen, almost within an instant, where life simply no longer exists on Earth's surface. Skipping ahead, my thoughts on Global Warming have been posted here for some time, so I won't dive too deep into that one. It must be repeated though that GW (or Climate Change) is the only one occuring to our knowledge at this time.

The purpose of my post is not to strike fear into the hearts of readers (and myself!), but it is to look into how these plausible scenarios affect our behavior here on Earth knowing that one day in the next 10 - 10,000 years, it is utterly impossible to avoid at least one of these Doomsday plots (credit Stephen Hawking for this mathematical certainty).

So, now that I know one day everything dear to me - Family, friends, life in general in all its awe and glory - will come to a halt, how does my day to day life change? At first I was intrigued by all of these Apocalypses. Then, after thinking for a few months now about them (I read an identical list in a magazine), I had become somewhat gloom. I mean really, if we can be wiped out like an ant hill with a hose, is there any Earth-transcendent significance to our being here at all? Maybe or maybe not, I really don't know enough to answer such a demanding question.

While it is a bit depressing to think of our seemingly unjustified annilhilation, I have surprisingly found myself comfortable with my long-thought conclusion: If we are merely here to live one life, with the possibility of something after death, then I find this one chance more precious than it was ever before. Realizing that I could be gone, with 6 billion other people in a matter of months due to some random (or intentionally malicious event) then does this not make life on the whole more exhilerating? A long time it was before I turned the corner from being down about mortality to looking it straight in the face and realizing it for what it was; which in my mind is a dare to live on like there is no tomorrow. Because there might not be one.

Now this doesn't mean I am going to change my behavior in any drastic way. I will continue my normal routine, but in the back of my mind always have the thought of taking everything in while I am still able to. You should still catch me with a smile, or non-frown, most of the time. I am still a happy person even though I think I will be void of consciousness after my brain gives out. I still love to do many things in this world and with my newly-embraced realizations, they mean even more.

The Glass is Half-Full

Now that most people know why I have returned so soon, I want to share with you my GOOD experiences in Africa.

The first thing I noticed was the immense poverty. Driving from the capital's airport, in Niamey, to our host village I was completely speechless. There were hundreds of people sleeping right next to the side of the road, while controlled chaos ensued on the actual street. The median of this main road was filled with people, goats, donkeys, dogs and most amazingly little babies. These people (children included) would stand no more than 1 foot from our van whizzing by, completely disregarding what we would call "safety" here in the states. Imagine seeing a 2 year old looking at cars and motorcycles fly by at 40 m.p.h. within arms reach. It was most shocking, but then I got used to it. The thing is, even with meager living conditions (The United Nations rated Niger the 175th most poor out of 175 nations they studied) the people continue to work hard daily as if they have to. Of course, they do.

There are a few "Celltel" shops here and there and some sparse "Nescafe" billboards, but other than that a complete absence of any corporations. No doubt, a contributing factor to the extreme poverty. Watching children play soccer and people huddling around tiny televisions is what I remember most from those drives through the city. After about 90 minutes of silent traveling on my behalf, we finally ended up where the Peace Corps training facility is.

It lay on a hill looking over a busy village. Fenced in for protection mostly against animals, it is well lit, has various huts, buildings, and even a volleyball court - as sand is everywhere there. One of my favorite memories is from playing soccer at night with a bunch of folks and having the Nigerien guard watching us and yelling things like "C'est Bon!" as we played. Which brings me to the people of Niger: Those who work the training facility are all African born and are some of the most gentle souls I have ever come across. Tondi was our supervisor. He stood 6 foot 5, with a mustache, looking like he should be commanding an Army, not volunteers. However, he was probably the nicest man in Niger with nothing but our good health in mind (he drove me to the infirmary at midnight when I had my episode). My buddy Abdou handled everything with security and finances and was always smiling. He was surprised when I started speaking a little Hausa with him the first day - I studied a little bit before leaving - and from that point on he and I were good friends. These 2 men are just a small sample of the great inhabitants of Niger. I feel very fortunate to have come across them at all.

One day all 43 of us trainees drove down to the village and met with the "Chef de Canton". He is essentially the man who runs the village. As 99% of the country is Muslim, he wore a white robe wrapped around his body and head. I introduced myself in a Hausa translated "May Allah grant you Great Victory in Life," while shaking his hand with my right with my left palm gripping my wrist as I bowed. We all sat on mats over the sand and listened to him talk for about an hour of how the village hierarchy functions. Fascinating as it was, I found myself constantly sidetracked by the little children running around and just staring at us. I stared right back with mutual, non-aggressive amazement. It was just a moment of awe, whereas if I stared at someone here like that, they would usually get offended. Interactions like this took place often. A 3 year-old ran up next to me about 4 feet from me and just stared at me right in the eyes for a good minute. He had a fly buzzing on his lip and didn't even acknowledge it. I can only imagine what he was thinking about a white man being next to him - something he has probably never even seen pictures of - nevertheless 42 others huddled in like anchovies next to me!

My favorite memory of the trip was our first (and for me, last) night with our host families. I met with Salamatu, a 12 year-old daughter of the father, Sumana Ali. She was so happy, as we all were, and even spoke some French, which helped a lot since the extent of my Zarma lay on the flashcards I was given 20 minutes before. We walked through the village and through some farmland and finally arrived at the "house". It was more of an enclosure with 3 huts and a "door" at the front. One hut was for storage of animals, the other for the family to sleep and the last for my and Luis's (my roommate) belongings. As the sun sets over the Sahel, the mother begins making dinner over an open fire. Children from next door and everywhere came in the enclosure to see the funny looking Peace Corps volunteers. For about an hour there, in the midst of kicking the soccer ball around with the locals and conversing in a language brand new to me, it really struck me that this is what I want my life to be about. I was essentially an ambassador of America in a foreign land. That awe stuck with me all through the night. Even when a Chariot Spider was in my bed with me. That is another story in itself, but back to earlier. Dinner was a bowl of white rice with a sauce to dip in. We all ate with our right hands off the same plate and basically sat in silence absorbing all that had just happened. It was an incredible night I will never forget.

While I still remain bummed about only being there 5 days, I feel a lasting impression left on me. Attributes such as kindness, listening, and understanding seem to be very prevelent in a society where anything at all of material value is difficult to come by. It is paradoxical to me that a people who constantly struggle for their next meal posed no real threat to my safety and if anything I felt more safe over there than here. I am still trying to solve this conundrum, because it flies in the face of what I have observed my entire life. Anyway I slice it, it is a beautiful thing. There is something in the air above that country more pure and simple than anything I have ever experienced. Hey, I can love two countries at once, right? Why not. I truly feel that I learned as much in those 5 days as I had in the last 23 years. Time is a funny thing; it seems to not be a factor when doing what we love.

Chewed Up and Spit Out

Wow. I was not expecting to write on this blog so soon after leaving Philadelphia. About 3 days into Africa, I find myself unable to continue there. So here I sit in my room, in Indianapolis, IN, thinking about how I returned so quickly.

Turns out I had a really rare and violent reaction to my anti-Malaria medicine, Larium. This drug is very effective in fighting off Malaria in developing parts of the world. As with all drugs, it has it's side-effects. Some users only get bad dreams where they or others are harmed or killed in a violent manner in nightmares. No doubt, I have had my fair share of these since ingesting this drug. But my problem became very serious the night of June 30. In my case, the side-effects of Larium are Paranoia, Despression, severe Anxiety and others. Trying to explain what happened is difficult to do via computer, but I will attempt to introduce you to it:

Turns out Larium is a very controversial anti-malarial. And in very rare-cases (about 1 in 15,000) an experience like mine occurs. Here are some links to help you understand what this drug can do - CBS News Story, Links to various articles. I will just say that my 2 hour "bad trip" if you will, was one I cannot forget soon enough, and was clinically diagnosed as a traumatic event capable of being triggered again. Honestly, I do not know what I would do to myself if a reoccurence were to take place. And this is the reason I now write to from the good ol' United States.

I have no qualm of sharing this information for 2 reasons: First, I was expecting 27 months, not 1 week in the "Bush," and people will probably wonder why they are seeing the ghost of Patrick Foley haunting them around Indianapolis when he should be in Niger, Africa (my experience follows in a future blog). Second, the doctors there have seen similar cases and I have read articles claiming that open dialogue about traumatic experiences helps the healing process.

The worst part of being in that Niamey (the capital city) infirmary for 3 days was the feeling of helplesness. When I get nausea, I vomit. When I catch a cold, I get rest and take cough drops and problem solved. These terrible effects of larium were unique in that they exit the body at their own discretion. I don't know how many times I told myself "it's not you, it's the medicine." Over and over and over again. Depression was completely foreign to me until about 4 days ago. I have an infinitely new respect for those suffering from it, severe anxiety, paranoia, and also chlostrophobia. The journal I kept really illuminates how different a person I was under the influence of Larium.

So the person for which there was a going away party, who is eternally thankful for all of your good wishes, and also the countless time spent in preparation for this dream experience has returned far too soon for reasons unforeseen. I honestly miss Niger very much. And I will soon contribute to this blog my short-lived but long-winded enlightenment of the beautiful continent and people of Africa. Also my plans for work and such. But as for now though, I need to take everything one step at a time. And if you are interested in more info on the drug whose side-effects I wish upon not even my greatest enemy, do check out the links above. I guess I'll be knocking on your door sooner than expected.